The other day I was in a large retail store - pushing my overflowing cart through frozen foods, checking off my long grocery list. I was just thinking how grateful I was that I didn’t have all of my kids in tow because I probably would have needed a second cart, when I heard “Attention Customers and Associates – We have a Code Adam” followed by a description of a little boy. I looked around the area near me and didn’t see the boy. Whoever was with him had given a great description – including what color clothing he was wearing and even what was on his shirt. I continued through the aisles – shopping and casually keeping an eye out. The announcement came again… and a few minutes later again … and then again. The minutes ticked on and they hadn’t found this boy. As a mom, I was thinking about how stressful this must be on his parent or guardian. I started to think about my kids. Would they know what to do if we were separated in the store? Surely this is something I’ve told them before or during one of the hundreds of times I’ve taken them into a store with me. I mean, I’m pretty sure they’d know what to do, right?
Does your child know what to do if you are separated? Now’s a good time to teach them, or refresh their memory. Here are some tips for preparing your child:
(1) Teach them your name, phone number (including the area code) and your address. If your child is too young to memorize this, you can write the information down and place it somewhere in their clothing. (For example, when we go to the pumpkin patch, we write our phone number on a paper bracelet attached to our child’s ankle.) If your child is prone to wandering away, you can write your name and phone number on duct tape and put it on their clothing or order a reusable plastic bracelet with your information.
(2) Teach your child how to dial your phone number and let them practice it randomly. Make the practice fun - let them call you and pretend to order pizza or have them call while you're out to add something to the grocery list.
(3) Tell to your child that the best place to be if they are lost is right where they are. “Freeze.” When a parent realizes they lost their child, they typically return to the last spot that they saw that child. If the child stays in place, they will be there when the parent returns. If the child starts walking around looking for mom or dad, they could easily miss each other by going different directions.
(4) Let your child know its ok to yell for you. Shouting out “mom” or “dad” may work, but teach them it’s ok to shout your “real” name too. Typically anyone around you who hears them calling will be willing to help. (Parents, its ok to shout for your child too – just teach them to answer you but stay frozen so you can go to them.)
(5) Explain to your child how to safely ask for help. We often teach our children “never talk to strangers” when in reality we talk to strangers all of the time. Instead, teach your children how to locate “good strangers”, such a woman with a child, or a store employee with a store uniform and nametag. Teach your child NOT to leave with the “good stranger” but to have them call for you to come back to your child. This way your child is both staying where you last saw them and communicating with, but NOT leaving, even with a “good stranger”.
(6) Reinforce that you will never leave them and they will not be in trouble. Explain to them that they should never hide because they are scared of getting in trouble. They should also never leave the store or go into the parking lot looking for you because you wouldn’t leave the store without them.
Remind your kids and practice before heading out. If you plan to go to a large store, park or event, do a little Q&A before leaving or while you’re in the car. Ask questions like “What should you do if you get separated from us while we are here?” “Who is an example of a “good stranger”?” “What should you do if you don’t see a “good stranger” right away?” “What if someone offers to take you to find me?” While you’re out, you can also ask your child to look around and point out a “good stranger” that they could ask for help if he/she was separated from you.
As for my experience, the little boy was finally found. He had wandered around looking for his parent. When he couldn’t find them, he hid because he was lost and was afraid he would be in trouble. His parent must have had a nervous breakdown after searching for him for over 20 minutes and then having the police arrive to help search. As for my kids, we had a chat in the car about what to do if we get separated and I will be following that up with practice phone calls and pointing out “good strangers” the next time we venture out.
Code Adam is one of the first safety programs created to “search for lost and potentially abducted children”. It was founded by John and Reve Walsh, whose son Adam was abducted from a Florida Department Store. The program provides businesses with procedures and protocols to implement in the event a child is reported missing inside a store. (CodeAdam.missingkids.org)
For more information and tips, visit the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC).
